If anyone is going to make bad day-time television commercial that airs between Jerry Springer and Judge Mathias it should be "The Historians".
[Serious deep man's voice rumbles while background sound effects add the squealing tires, a tortured scream and sounds of a racing ambulance siren added between lines for ultimate emotional appeal]
"Have you been the victim of a crime? Denied Social Security benefits? Recipient of bad medical advice?
Let the Historians help!
We serve the public through pristinely kept records of all the legal precedents and medical procedures that have caused you pain and suffering.
Our efforts make it possible for that ambulance sniffing lawyer to do their job or the doctor to remember those antibiotics so as not to bleed you dry in attempts to cure a case of pneumonia. Life can be a scary thing. Just forget about it and let us do the remembering for you!"
"Call now for a free consultation. Remember...we don't get paid if you don't get paid!"
"The Historians...experts on everything before you were born."
[ Cut back to Jerry Springer and his, " My man is really a gay woman..." episode]
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